"I deserve to believe in myself"

The first domino to fall is simply believing!

Bobby Jones once said, “We totally misunderstand what is meant by concentrating. We may think we are concentrating when we are merely worrying.” He was referring to golf of course, but like most of his writing suggested, it certainly holds true in life. With our worry, we breed doubt. With doubt, we breed low confidence. Low confidence breeds the complete disassembly of our belief in ourselves. In this scenario, the chain reaction all came from a disconnect between concentration and managing our emotions and thoughts. It takes a simple correction or adjustment in our approach to make sure that we are productive with our thoughts.

This is where things get cool. I am introducing my first real story for my book. Her name is Taylor Roberts. In a serendipitous string of events, Taylor and her family and this personal journey I am starting, were connected to help each other with our own mental health and the health of others following our respective stories.

“I deserve to believe in myself” -Taylor Roberts

Taylor, who will be celebrating her 20th birthday at the end of this month, is a developing “feel good story.” We all get the fortunate reward of following her progress and you should! That is what is so great about Taylor… she wants us to! She wants to tell her story and she is finding that her purpose is far beyond swinging a golf club.

Taylor and I were introduced late last year through the AJGA (American Junior Golf Association) along with her friend and fellow player, Phoebe Brinker. It was a fascinating introduction. In 2021, my charity, Robert Jones Black: Generation Next Project, partnered with the AJGA to help raise funds for their Leadership Links and Financial Assistance (ACE Grant) programs. Taylor (Sophomore, University of Florida) and Phoebe (Sophomore, Duke University) are alumni of the organization and reached out to them about hosting a tournament in 2022. This is not a common practice with alumni. Fate stepped in when Taylor suggested that she wanted to do a tournament focused on mental health. Beth Dockter, who manages the Leadership Links program, immediately reached out to me about Generation Next Project being the beneficiary.

When I released the first Purposefull Success post a few weeks ago, I selected 25 people to receive the first post for various reasons. I included Taylor and Phoebe because I am focused on two audiences: the young adult and the parent. The two college golf phenoms feedback would be critical for my personal belief in this venture. If I could not create a message that connected with a 17-25 year old audience, I would not be able to validate my purpose. This would be a whiff of an attempt to write a book. Thankfully, that was not the case. Quite the contrary.

The evening after I had sent out the post, I got a text from Taylor. What I did not know at the time was that Taylor was competing in the Citrus Amateur at Sun N’ Lake Golf Club in Sebring, FL. I was also unaware that when Taylor opened the email, she had just completed her second round. After a first round of 74 and sitting in 15th place, Taylor had finished her second round with a bogey-bogey finish and posted a 78, moving her back to 40th position in the tournament.

“In general, I had been working on my swing and trying to hit that perfect shot. But I was doubting everything,” Taylor told me this week as we reflected on the the rough start to the tournament.

“I had very negative ‘internal talk’ that day and was making careless mistakes. Even on 18, I hit a great drive and nailed my lay up number leaving me 80 yards to the flag. But I decided on an aggressive shot and flew the green… from 80 yards.” It got worse for Taylor on that hole as she then cooked the chip shot, which was a delicate downhill slope to the pin, and ended up just off the front of the green. Her next shot was left 8 feet short. But as a bogey golfer like myself who can’t make a one-foot birdie putt but can drain a 20 footer for double without a second thought, Taylor mimicked this hack’s ability and casually swept in an 8 footer for bogey. That’s golf… at all levels!

A 74 and 78 start to a tournament does not measure up to Taylor’s expectations. So her frustration and disappointment was on overload as she returned to the hotel. As she got settled and relaxed she opened her email. There was my email sent during her round, the subject line, “A BIG Leap! Let the journey begin!” A perfectly, albeit unintentional, timed message of hope and belief. So, Taylor began to read.

“I was reading it and just kept thinking that this is exactly what my dad keeps telling me. But sometimes, you need to hear it from someone else.”

Early in the post that she was reading, I wrote, “The incorrect spelling of “Purposeful” in the title is very much on-purpose. Not only does it introduce an acronym, "F.U.L.L.”, it also exhibits that even in discovering our true purpose, the result may not be as we thought it would be when we began. It’s better. It’s imperfectly perfect.”

Imperfectly Perfect. This resonated with Taylor. She knew that she was trying to be perfect and was reacting when her shot wasn’t perfect. That brought more negative thought in. The result? Her belief in herself was under siege. With each imperfect shot came more disbelief and more self doubt.

After reading the post, Taylor had a new perspective. “It made me feel that when you are standing over the ball and have negative thoughts its ok to have that.  You are a little bit imperfect.  If you have a negative thought its ok. We are human, were are imperfect.” In an otherwise ordinary moment, Taylor realized that this game of golf and game of life will be far from perfect. But we can be imperfectly perfect in any situation and we will be just fine.

Taylor read on and digested the email’s message. She read another post that I had done as a test, “Power of believe” where I reflect on the show, Ted Lasso, and its subtle message that believing does not have to be perfect, it just matters that it’s there.

Accompanied with another mental tactic Taylor has adopted, Tapping, she approached the 1st tee of the 3rd round with a different arsenal in between her ears. She combined the process of Tapping (An Emotional Freedom Technique for Anxiety and PTSD) with an intentional and simple action. She wrote the letters “B” and “I” on her ball to remind herself to Believe and to accept being Imperfect.

“I put the B and I on the ball and just tried to believe in myself the whole day.  From the first hole to the last, I played consistent golf.”

Taylor started the round birdie-birdie. “In the past, that’s where I could get a little nervous before and put pressure on myself to stay under par.  But, in that round, with each moment I could, I would say this phrase, ‘I deserve to believe in myself.’  I was on edge the entire round, however this time I was managing it.  I was able to stay present and got to a point where I was letting the course come to me. Not the other way around.”

Did Taylor find the field?

Taylor found herself -3 on the round with two holes to play. The 17th hole is one of the hardest on the course, a Par 4 with the tee shot placement critical but still leaving you with a long 190 yard second shot over water. Her first thought on 17 was, “You can come in bogie-bogie and still finish well.” Perhaps without the B and I on the ball, that mentality would have been dominant and likely foreshadowing the outcome.

“Sometimes when I am trying to close out a round, I would struggle at this point. But those last two holes, ‘Believe’ really came into play.” Taylor hit her second shot on 17 onto the green from 190 yards, leaving her a 30 footer for birdie.

Taylor evaluated the putt and immediately could see the line. She believed she could make it. She drained it. On 18, a rare closing hole Par 3, she hit another great tee shot leaving her 12 feet for birdie. Coming off the rare birdie at 17 and a shorter putt, there was no worrying being mistaken for concentration. Belief had taken over and she drained that putt as well, officially posting a 67 (-5) third round score. Her second round score matched the highest score of any golfer that finished in the top 20. The 67 matched the lowest score of the entire tournament. That is the power of believing.

Concentration became what is intended and defined to be: “the action or power of focusing one's attention or mental effort.” Taylor substituted a pattern of worry and doubt with a concentration on believing and accepted being imperfect.

That text I mentioned earlier was after this incredible round. She told me about the B and I and let me know she had just shot a 67.

The 67 moved her into the top 5, from 40th. The final day she shot a 71 (-1) and went from 40th to a final placement of 3rd in just two rounds all while being imperfectly perfect.

What is so amazing is that this was only the second tournament she had played in since the spring. Her mental health in 2021 had gotten progressively worse. When she went home for summer break, her parents took notice. Each night, Taylor was crying herself to sleep. Something wasn’t right. Even golf, a passion that she has carried her entire life, had lost its luster. She didn’t want to quit but she just could not figure out WHY she would play anymore. During that time, competitive golf took a back seat while she worked on her own well being.

Taylor’s parents took action… appropriate action. They asked her to take the fall 2021 semester off and stay at home. Taylor agreed and it was then that she began to treat her mental health at a different level. It was also at this point that she decided that FSU was not the right fit and she got in touch with the Florida Gators golf coach who graciously accepted her as a future member of the golf team. She is now back in school and with a renewed since of purpose.

Taylor is reinventing her life. She is reinventing her approach to golf. And this summer on July 25th and 26th, alongside her friend and fellow golfer, Phoebe, she will be hosting 24 other amateurs at Bobby Jones Golf Course in Atlanta followed by a round at East Lake Golf Club… a few weeks before the best 30 PGA players will battle it out for the FedEx Cup and season championship. The same sacred course where Bobby Jones fell in love with the game. In a blink of life’s eye, Taylor has gone from lost and disconnected from the game, to hosting a tournament that will include mental health workshops for the participants. She is competing again at a high level but will redshirt this year at Florida allowing her to hone in on a mental system that compliments her incredible technical ability.

Taylor and I are both on a journey to reinvent ourselves and make an impact on others. She began her journey before we were introduced. My charity and this book are a timely fit to the next chapter of her development. But that text she sent me… it made me believe. I believe in her. I believe in myself. I believe that letting purpose lead the way is going to change both of our lives.

We will be releasing a full length podcast where Taylor goes into detail about her story. Until then, I would suggest anyone that wants to let their purpose take a position in their life, that the first domino to fall is simply believing that you can. So, let’s aim small and focus there. “Believe… it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just matters that it is there.”